my girl wants to party all the time, party all the time....

i should write a country song about this week. my job, my car, my dog....not my man, though. well i haven't lost any of them, but they all made it difficult to even fake a smile. i have too many disguises to keep up with. my job is awesome face, i'm only waiting for you to be happy face, my orgasm face, my fuck you if you think this is bothering face, my life is exciting and important face, my i really don't mind face.

i do mind! i expect you to know that. and i have to make the face or i'm a big unreasonable bitch who doesn't want you to be happy.

nicole came to work with party breath on sunday morning. i told her to mint it to avoid reprimand. i didn't care for an explanation, 'cause i frankly don't give a shit if you inhale 5 kilos and 10 hookers on your nights off, but she goes on to deliver some girl power bullshit about breaking up with a boyfriend of a year and a half and 'of course all i wanna do is party now, shit yeah'. well, k. sure. speak and spittle in someone else's face though, plz. nicole has a transparent breakup face, but at least she's trying. i don't try, i just shut down the central powers and hope life ends before the next catastrophic neurological meltdown.

seyoon used similar reasoning for her self-assessed booze houndiness. again, please, by all means do what you want, i really really don't care, stop telling me your life stories. but she figures that she is at the age where it is customary and expected to down 40 proof like lasagna down a fat kid's gullet. is there really an age for such things? if alcohol and substance use (and/or abuse) is used to justify all celebratory, healing and wallowing processes, what's left? oh, and boredom too.

here's what you should say next time i DON'T ask you to explain yourself: nothing. i don't care. i'm not your mom, your boss, your leader, your big sis or your best girlfriend. i will never be any of these things, and even if i were, it's your right as a person to adorn, destroy or maintain your body and spirit as you see fit.
and i expect the same attitude towards the things i do to myself, from you.

did i just reveal an agenda?