d'avoir tant d'envies, moi j'ai un souffle au coeur

Oh philosophie
Dis-moi des élégies

sometimes, just sometimes, when i read some people's blogs, or Facebook/Myspace profiles, i see some things people write SUPPOSEDLY about themselves. clusterfuck mash-ups of contradicting clichés (often poorly written or even mis-spelled), and i want to comment, publicly, "YOU'RE FOOLIN' A WHOLE LOTTA NO ONE". like little children, reading the back sleeves of books, and claiming to have read them, using words they know not the meanings of, sloganeering things they might have heard their parents say... and for what? what does "seeming cool" entail? gaining credibility? from whom? so someone will fuck you? so some internet celebritard might think you're worth their time? stop taking pictures at those angles, we can tell if you're fat.

that's mean, i know.

but FAKING IT really boils my lobster.



A moitié pleine est l'amphore
C'est à moitié vide
Qu'on la voit sans effort

me me me.
my life's on hold. the verdict is pending on my fate. i should spend the waiting hours in a bubble bath, but life refuses to work that way. instead i crack my knuckles, repeatedly blink moisture back onto my eyes, grind my teeth because i'm back on coffee, question all the food that goes into my mouth, and wonder if i'll ever have enough money to upgrade my childish wardrobe. well, no, i do far more than that, i also daydream about my upcoming vacation, nightdream of sex, push pencils around ditzy harpies and assault my sense of compassion into becoming a vegetarian. in between said activities, i actively dream, day and night, of a better life. i imagine it full of literal sunshine. and puppies. lots and lots of puppies.

A moitié pleine est l'amphore
C'est à moitié vide
Que je la vois encore

i've not earned any of that yet.
in the meantime, however, i could do with sex.
call me.

am i joking? are you?

i've been lost i've been found i've been fooling around

I've been hold, I've been told, I've been changing my mind.

throughout the day, i'd swear i have a lot to say, but when i sit down to think i'm gonna write, i feel too tired. I MUST PUSH ON, and update my gibberish a little more often, even if it is just that.

i learned today that Sweden is the new Japan.

i'm also trying to un-learn some other shit. my outlook on most things, i reckon, will continue to be cynical, perhaps even mockingly so, but i'm trying to be fair. struggling to be, even. i believe that those who think that unrelated people in their lives may be conspiring to play cruel jokes on them...those people are generally referred to as paranoid schizophrenics. WHICH I AM NOT. i'm used to things and people being a certain way, maybe, and if something or someone displays even the slightest bit of awesomeness, i'm all THIS DOES NOT ADD UP.

if this is called living, well don't count me in
sure I feel alive, but it doesn't mean a thing, no nothing.

the chain of events when my heart peeks out of the iron bars, goes thusly:

WHEEE? ----- hrrrmmm ----- o rly? :) ----- O_o ------ *goes back in and triple locks the door.

but! terrorized heart be damned, i'm entirely too curious.
i'm gonna kill this cat.

i hate you Jimmy

Dear Chris,

to love me is to love this. among all the other things i keep saying are my "favorites". i'll admit to loving too much.